Is It Reality Or Is It Illusion?

Jani Roberts: 00:00:07

What?. Life isn't supposed to suck. Get out of here. Life is supposed to be good for me? I don't think so. Truth? Did you know that you have the power to create your own reality? True? Did you know that you can live the life that you've always desired? Holy? That's right. And that's why we're here. Are you ready? Unless you're on Joy overload, you've come to the right place. It's time to get out of your own way and start creating more of what you want, and less of what you don't end up with the excuses. I'm your host Jani Roberts. Let's do this.

Jani Roberts: 00:00:51

Welcome back, everybody. We have an amazing magical guest on today. Think unicorns think colorful, think sparkles, because that is Kiki Tyler. She is a woman of power. She is a woman of great energy. She's a coach, a personal trainer, she does distance Reiki sound healing. And last, but certainly not least, she is a group fitness instructor and does a lot of work virtually, we've been friends for quite some time. And I'm absolutely honored to have her here on the show. Welcome, Kiki,

Unknown: 00:01:23

thank you so much for having me, Janney, it's an honor to be here.

Jani Roberts: 00:01:26

Well, it is a party because anytime I get to hang out with you, that is a very, very good thing. We always come away from our time together, pumped up and you know, kind of ready to conquer and I'll take it all on. So it's always good to have that energy. And your story is really empowering. For the listeners, you know, as I mentioned, we've known each other for quite some time, and we have some history together. But you know what, as I learned your story, as I got to know you more personally, I thought, wow, this is an extraordinary woman who has overcome, as most of us have a lot of shit. So, you know, we do what we must, but I do believe that you have a very big heart, you know, and and it's very easy for you to see the good in others. And, you know, ironically, you've been able to take your journey and move it forward in a way that you see fit, not that others see fit, and move in the direction and get your life going. According to the way Kiki Tyler would like it to roll, and not the rest of the world. And I think you know, we can all relate to that, right? Because we feel this pressure coming from all directions, and how I'm supposed to be what I'm supposed to do. I'm starting to get a headache just thinking about it. So I'd love for you to share a little bit of your story with our listeners, like know, they're gonna identify with you. If you're cool with that, and just kind of give them a little bit of your backstory you know who you are and what you do.

Unknown: 00:03:02

Absolutely. That's where to begin, right? I think the biggest thing for me were body image issues, which I feel like all women have had at some point, whether you raise your hand and say you have or not. And I struggle with my weight, how I saw myself in the near even after I lost the weight. But definitely been on a journey of self love since I was about 15.

Jani Roberts: 00:03:27

So perspective, right? This comes up immediately in this conversation. So I really want the listeners to take this in. And you know, no matter what was happening, whether you were losing weight, you felt you wanted to you weren't seeing yourself differently. That's a very powerful statement. Because I think most of us believe that, oh, if I lose the weight, or if I get the house or if I have the career or when I do that, then I will feel like I'm standing in my truth. I'll feel like I am who I really need to be and it just doesn't always work out that way, does it?

Unknown: 00:04:04

No, no, I have been over 200 pounds, probably three times in my life. The last time I was about 230 pounds. I'm short and five, three. And I attach that emotion that I'm going to be happy when I'm you know, fill in the blank for size weight. inches. I mean, I've gone crazy. I've starved myself, I've counted calories. But I was still the same person on the inside. The only thing that had changed was the size of the shell I lived in. Yeah, and I hadn't done any inner work. Mentally and emotionally. I was too afraid to go there. Yeah, let me count calories. That's something I can track. That's something tangible, I can put numbers on paper. But if I go inside, I got to deal with my feelings. I have to deal with the pain and and get to the root of it. And I ran from that for a long time.

Jani Roberts: 00:04:56

Yeah, and you can run for that for not even a long time. A lifetime. Like you, you really can't, right? Like, I think this is what we figure out, when we begin doing the work is that if we're not careful, if we're not cautious, our life will go by, and we will still be stuck in the same shit that we were stuck in a different in different decades of our life, I always joke about the fact that now I'm like, in my third trimester of my life. So time is, is not more important, but I have a different feeling around time, even though I don't honestly believe too much in time. You know, because I think it's kind of all we have, even though we feel like we never have enough. But it's true because we we can lose chunks of our life, you know, in anguish around something that is really an illusion. I mean, if you're losing this weight, and your scale is saying you're 30 pounds lighter, but you're seeing yourself the same way. There's an illusion somewhere happening. So what do people do with that? Like, how did you how did you find your way through that

Unknown: 00:06:05

part? I think I hit rock bottom, you know, emotionally, I just as depressed. I was anxious. I was kicking myself like I should know better, you know, fast. Let's fast forward to the 20s. I got to a ridiculous weight. There's a kind of 35 between size six and eight. I was not healthy. Like even my mom was worried about me. Like my cheeks were sunken in and I was miserable. I was hangry all the time.

Jani Roberts: 00:06:31

I yeah, I know that.

Unknown: 00:06:34

And, you know, I was an emotional eater went through that breakup, I finished college. I was like, Okay, now what am I going to do? I got to the weight. I surpassed the way that I wanted to get to ice I'm smaller than I thought I could ever be. And I was miserable. So, you know, something had to give. I was introduced to a couple new fitness formats, met some girlfriends had an amazing instructor was like, You need to teach you have a story. You can empower and impact more women, you should become an instructor. So what the hell was going on this weekend? So practically, with two strangers flew to Miami got certified my first format, which was Zumba and I was terrible. I was I was not an answer. I was not a dancer. I had no fitness background. I love sports. I ran I played different kinds of sports, different martial arts, but I was always the hustle and heart award. I was never the one with all this skill. That yeah, T mask. Yeah, exactly. But I loved how my instructor made me feel you she noticed me she might name into matter what kind of day I was having. I know it was gonna walk out of that class better. And I wanted to do that for other people. And I think that was the start of me, starting to pull myself up my own bootstraps.

Jani Roberts: 00:08:04

Very cool. So for the listeners, big note to self right here. If you want to feel better, and you feel really stuck in your own crap, put your attention toward other people who need help and get your focus off of yourself. But you're still going to have to come back to yourself and do the work. Right click. I mean, you can't get around that. But it's a great temporary way to just get out of your head for a minute. Because I know what it's like to feel like all consumed by something that's not serving me. So I'm like in this 24/7 Yucky place, like just 24/7. Like, I feel like a crazy person in my own head. And so when I step out similar right to teach or help other people in whatever way I'm doing that all the focus goes away for me and on them. And during that time, there's so much joy, like you can't not feel it. Because you're just not focused on your own stuff.

Unknown: 00:09:03

It's true. And within that, you start to heal, you create that space for yourself. And for others.

Jani Roberts: 00:09:10

This is so important to note, guys, because this is what we're ultimately all searching for whether we're awake to it yet or not. It really is a healing process, like what stuff do I have going on that I really do need to heal? And until I figure out one, what it is, like where do I spend most of my emotional time, right? And to how can I work through that? What do I do to find relief? And we got to look at it because if I'm over eating or I'm shopping, or I'm having sex or I'm drinking or smoking or I have no judgment around any of it, we all just pick different things, right to find relief. And then ultimately, hopefully, we start to find things like that. Meditation and some type of I hesitate to call an exercise because I just think it should be like joyful movement because everybody has that, you know, vibrant exercise, you know, but if it's in hopes shoot hoops if it's dancing dance, if it's, you know, playing hockey, play hockey, if it's horseback riding, go horseback riding, like whatever activities, you know, make you feel like you're finding some relief, go for it. And gradually, they can start to offset that other thing that we were doing that perhaps wasn't, you know, serving us so well.

Unknown: 00:10:40

Absolutely. I tell my clients start with the movement. And then if you can connect it to some type of mindfulness practice for yourself, and then hopefully, meditation. And those three M's have been really magical for me what an MTech today, I don't know. I like it. I went to one of your movie meditation workshops. And that was another big game changer for me, like how to shift. And, you know, you had talked about energy flowing, where the your attention goes. And like what going back to what you just said, My attention was inward instead of outward, but on the negative things. And I did have the power to shift. I just needed to own it. And I was playing a little bit of the victim poor me, what am I doing? Well, I got myself there, so I can get myself back out. I just, I had to make that choice. Yeah. And once I made the choice in my mind, everything else started to fall into place. It wasn't quick, it wasn't a light switch. It was a slow, steady, uphill battle. And I say battle because there were days where I'm like, No, not going to do the self work. But I knew at the end, I feel better for it. And sometimes that was okay, I need to teach for my people. I didn't feel like moving. But I knew I needed to be there for them when I showed up anyway. And at the end of class, I felt better. Because I helped them feel better.

Jani Roberts: 00:12:05

Yeah. And that is healing. Yes, that that is, you know, what healing really is all about. It also, you know, drives home, that, that truth about how connected we all are, and how we are really designed to be together, not separate. And while we have to each individually go off and do our own work, that collective consciousness, that connection is very powerful, and very important to us as humans. And so hence, you know, why, for many reasons, but one of the reasons I feel like we do have such a mental health problem is because of isolation, you know, not just due to COVID. But due to technology. There are a lot of reasons, just fear to straight up fear, right? About a taboo?

Unknown: 00:12:55

No, it's frowned upon to talk about mental health or anxiety or depression. And for the longest time, I didn't even see a therapist. What's wrong with me? Or people would say, Well, why do you need to see a therapist, and I remember, once I started going, my therapist gave me a great analogy. He said, You know, when you have anxiety or depression, nobody can see the wounds or feel them, but you it's like you're getting eat up on the inside, but no one can see the bruises. But if you're gonna fight, people will see that black guy, they'll see that cut on your face, they know, hey, you should probably get that checked out. And they're so supportive. But unless someone is depressed or anxious, or has feeling the way you are feeling, they don't understand,

Jani Roberts: 00:13:39

you know, if we I kind of want to grow, I'm not going to. Okay, so. So if it think about it that way, like if we all actually did, where, if we were wearing our pain on the outside, what would everybody really look like? All the beautiful people still have their crap, right? And then just think of all the people that are making up beautiful lives, like on social media and stuff like that, you know, like they don't, they're not really real. But people who are struggling can look at those and go, Oh, God, My life sucks compared to that person or, you know, whatever. If they couldn't fake any of that, if it was, you know, if all of that pain, anguish, suffering and all that was on the outside, that's an amazing analogy. What a great therapist you had really helpful, really helpful and, you know, I agree with you, I think therapy is has been a bit taboo. I don't think people realize that. Personally, I feel like some mostly the most courageous people are the ones that go to therapy. Because, you know, talking about your personal shit with other people is really uncomfortable. Like I mean, it can be until you understand that you have found someone that you're safe with who's got your back who's Is there to help you, genuinely. So that had to have some impact on your career direction. Right? What the kind of help that you were getting? And how then you could continue to pass that on to your people.

Unknown: 00:15:16

Absolutely. And he was a big proponent of sharing the story. Tell your friends, tell your significant other, share it with your sisters, share it with your family, the more you talk about it, and get it out of your head journal about it, the lighter you're gonna feel, and it's not going to be as scary because we play the story over and over. And it gets bigger and bigger. And we're generally pretty creative. And by the time we've, we're finished, it's this giant monster. And it didn't start out that way. And nothing just really happened. It's all this fictitious what if in our head,

Jani Roberts: 00:15:54

yeah. But when you just start making shit up? We do.

Unknown: 00:15:59

And when you have depression and anxiety, you instantly go there, there's no space. So just the pause, we talked about it so much, and it is downplayed, but just taking that moment to breathe and not move. And I'm a wiggler like you like I do not sit still well, yeah, I'm like, I'm a doer, I really like I need to move. But sitting still has really impacted how I think it has helped with my creativity. It's giving me that pause instead of reacting and going down that dark rabbit hole. I'm like, Well, what if? What if the good thing happens? Yeah, I mean, it could, it probably will. Because everything I worry about, maybe 20% happens 15. But I wasted all that time and all that energy and robbed myself my own joy.

Jani Roberts: 00:16:51

Yeah, so I just, you know, I really love the ownership. You know, what I what I hear in your voices, like you have a very clear understanding of what you were doing the role that you were playing at once you understood, okay, wait a second, when you said, I realized I didn't get here overnight. This is a lifetime of crap. And I don't mean when I say crap, I don't mean all the crap is bad. I just mean, there's a lot of it. Right? There's a lot of stuff going on millions of thoughts literally, right around different subjects. But understanding and when we talk about people, we talk to people about this all the time in regard to like nutrition, for example, if someone's ill, if they have an autoimmune disease, it's like, okay, look, you didn't get here overnight. Right? There's been a lot of different things that have happened to get you here. So if this takes you six months a year to get to good health, that's actually a walk in the park, but people will think, you know, we all want everything to be fixed in like five seconds. Sometimes we have to, you know, I understand, I just think that statement that you made is so important for our listeners to hear, like where whatever you're struggling with, it didn't just drop on you yesterday. So it's it will it will take some time and work.

Unknown: 00:18:17

And give yourself the time to process you don't need to make a decision right away. That was my other aha moment was that was like a decision, get it off my plate, then I'm done with it. And it was like hot potato, right? I don't want to deal with it. Let's just make a decision. Move it out of the way. Okay, I'm done. But it would come back. Right, wait and come back. The the emotional eating would come back, like my unhappiness with myself. I remember taking the living in alignment course. And it's all about the movement. You know, really, it probably took me the full month to actually start to journal because that was a very scary to me. When I started writing down emotions. I was doing it with judgment. And I was I had columns of negative and positive emotions. And instead of like, Oh, that's interesting, it was, why have you feeling like that you shouldn't feel like that your life is great. And it's like, just just feel it, just feel it, let it go and move on. And once I accepted that part and kind of started to rewrite that script, and that judgment of myself, a lot more healing happened. Beautiful.

Jani Roberts: 00:19:24

It's a really powerful point to make. It's just creating that space. And you mentioned the pause, and it's kind of like become a thing. But our mutual friend Samantha long. She's also a healer. And she just started constantly talking about the pause and we're like, Yes, that's what it is. It's that moment where you just go, you might want to shut up and just breathe for a second. Because this could go not well. If you can just take a second. And you know for high energy people like us that can be challenging. It can literally be a complete game changer in your experience, and it has

Unknown: 00:20:01

been and there's still setbacks, I still react instead of respond. But you know, I still have my, my moments where I see red and I'm like, Oh, my God is like no who saw take for human or humane is a blip? Go right back into it breathe. Okay, now rewind, and how would you like to really respond?

Jani Roberts: 00:20:24

Yeah, I mean, this is so important. And, you know, I just I want to mention for people, to people who are listening, this is, you know, we, on this podcast, we try to keep things to some degree light, and, and full of love and fun. And, but but also we are very much grounded in the truth. And for many people, this is a very difficult time, you know, there's shit going on in the world that is just so incredibly hard to look at that, you know, and recently, again, we have this situation, I mean, it just seems to always be recently. But here we are, again, and it's just unfathomable. You know, you can't even begin to get your head around what is happening. And so you do this work and you're feeling like, okay, life is good like this, you know, I'm really doing this work. It's working for me, I, I feel much calmer. I'm not like you said reacting so quickly. I'm just pausing. I'm taking it in. And so as you know, when the bigger things, right, the really big things happen, that can really set us back like that can throw us into dark places quickly, that we literally just can't seem to find a doorway out of this is to me where what you're talking about this pause is so essential, so that we can hold space. For those who are in that moment struggling, we're struggling as well. But we're knowing that there are others who are struggling even more. And so it's so important that we realize that everything that we do is not just for us. Like that's so ego based, right? The bottom line is if I pause and I do my healing work, I actually assist everyone who is deal doing healing work. Game Changer. Absolutely.

Unknown: 00:22:31

Now, Samantha in one of my trainings, you know, as we heal ourselves, we heal others, as well as, as we help others heal, we heal ourselves. It is this circle that goes in both directions. And it's okay to lean on people. It's okay to ask for help. Yeah, the world sucks. Sometimes you don't have a good cry, let it go. Pull up your pants and be like, okay, What tool do I need to get to where I need to be? And it's different every day. Sometimes I need to meditate. Sometimes I need to dance. Sometimes I need to punch and kick.

Jani Roberts: 00:23:09

Preferably not people, but you know, do what we must.

Unknown: 00:23:14

I work out to burn off my crazy. That's what I said, I love that shirt.

Jani Roberts: 00:23:18

That's amazing. That's totally amazing. And you know, for some people, it might be playing an instrument, or it might be you know, take a book and go sit outside and read. I mean, we all have our way there is no right way. It's just your way, whatever is healing for you. But again, just really reading reiterating that powerful message of when we heal ourselves, we are actually assisting others that full circle does take place, we are able to do that. And people would to some degree, a lot of people would prefer that we don't believe that, that it's every man for himself, you know, and some people matter more than others. But I think all human beings innately believe that that's just simply not true. They may still live their entire life that way, because they're too afraid not to. But we know as human beings, like we are supposed to be there for one another. And I think that's part of the reason why there is so much conflict because we're in conflict when we're not united. We absolutely are. Everyone is uncomfortable. People express it in different ways. But everybody's uncomfortable, is true.

Unknown: 00:24:30

And I think another stigma that goes along with the topic of like healing and we talked about mental health issues is using air quotes. I'm broken, or I need to be fixed. That's, that's not the case. You've been through that we've all been through our own ish. You know, there's no scale throughout the damn scale. My problems are bigger than yours. Yours aren't bigger than mine. We all have our own, and they are as big or small to us as they are and they're our own but we don't have to Barrett alone shares huge.

Jani Roberts: 00:25:03

Yeah, yeah. And it is literally the most courageous thing we can do, I can certainly attest to never wanting to share any of my personal mental crap with anyone feeling as though that would be a sign of weakness. And, you know, considering myself just like a super private person, and we just don't talk about those things, you know, because everyone has problems, and I just need to work them out myself. Until I couldn't. I just simply couldn't. I was like, Well, I just assumed not be here, then. Because this is no fun. You know, this everyday torture that we can put ourselves through like, This is no fun. So I was clear about the fact that I didn't come here to leave early. So what is the work I need to do? And however uncomfortable it's going to be? Well, then, so be it. Because I'm already so uncomfortable. How bad could it really be? Like, I really think where I was living was hell. So when we're talking about heaven on earth, that wasn't what I was experiencing. It was more like the opposite of it. And it's so funny, isn't it? Because when we meet people, we have no clue. No clue what's going on with them. I mean, if people were to meet you, I know the audience can't see you. But your gorgeous, is long blonde hair, and this like perfect skin and blue eyes. And it's just really annoying. I mean, gorgeous.

Jani Roberts: 00:26:36

But you know what I'm saying, like, people just don't know. Because like, you're saying we don't wear our pain on the outside necessarily. And and when we do, we are in trouble. We are, it's a cry for help. I mean, when people are just when they look like that, you know, when they have that energy of I'm, like, I'm thinking, I'm going down, right? We've all been there. People do pick up on it. They're like, are you okay? Not necessarily said anything, but people are more energy sensitive than they realize. They just don't practice it, right. So they can feel like, ooh, that person's in a really bad place, but they don't necessarily know what to do with it. So when it gets to that point, you know, action needs to be taken, but we can become total pros at hiding our shit. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. All the disguises? Yes. All the disguises

Unknown: 00:27:29

all the masks? Yeah. Who am I gonna see? Which one do I need to put on now?

Jani Roberts: 00:27:33

I need to be today for everyone. Yeah, but I

Unknown: 00:27:37

will say mama always knows. You can't you can't put a mask or a disguise on mom sees right through it? For sure.

Jani Roberts: 00:27:45

Yeah, it's true. And, and that Mama could be your own internal self, right? Like, you know, when you're joyful, and you know, when you're not. And I have to say that, in my experience, coming to a place where I no longer push against it. Like I could be in a really joyful place. And for no real reason. Feel a funk come in. Where's that coming from? Why is that icky, funky feeling coming in, I was just in a really good place, like minutes ago. old patterns, right? old beliefs. They don't come all the way in, I can't identify what it is. Right? But it's just that energy will attempt to come in and, but instead of freaking out, and kind of panicking and running away from it, I'm able to it's the pause. I'm able to just go, Okay, let's just this is interesting. Let's just kind of be the spectator. without judgment, you know, just notice it, and then don't make it into something it's not, don't give it more life, just let it go. Like you were saying earlier, just just let it go. So to kind of, kind of drift on by, yeah, it's a lot to process. I know if you're listening to this, and you've never thought about this, or, you know, this, this kind of constant conversation that we each have with ourselves on a daily basis. It can it can maybe feel a bit foreign. But we're all really good at it. Because you know, as I'm listening to you speak, I'm having a story I'm processing, you're doing the same as I'm talking and the listeners are doing the same with both of us. And then it's what do we do with that? So when you're working with people, how do you how do you get them started? How do you figure out what it is that you know how you can help them?

Unknown: 00:29:49

I ask a few questions and I just sit and listen. And I honestly it's just the Tell me more. So I feel like I've taken on the role of a therapist, but without the therapist title, you know, a lot of people come to me for the fitness side, the wellness, the weight loss, and I get it, I resonate with that so much been there lifted, still living it, haven't figured it all out, but want to help and share everything I have learned to help them avoid as much of the pain and shorten that lifespan of getting to that joyfilled place. But asking what will happen when they get X y&z goal that they share with me? So I will be happy if well, why will that make you happy? What will change and really going 579? Why's deep, like, Why do they want to feel better? Why do they want to sleep more? Why do they want more energy, and a lot of it comes back to being with their loved ones doing the things they love and enjoy spending more times with with their kid and grandkids being able to get off and on the floor without pain or eaten. You name it. The list goes on and on. But a lot of it centers around decreased pain and higher energy.

Jani Roberts: 00:31:03

You know, yeah, I think I would sign up for decreased pain and higher energy. More energy for you, lady. That's amazing. No way, you know, I mean, I think that sounds good to everyone. And again, it's just a matter of understanding that we haven't gotten to where we are in a minute. So we need to be patient and kind and compassionate and loving with ourselves as we reprogram. We just have to do some, some reprogramming? Well, this has just been amazing. I know that I know that everyone is resonating with you. Because that's just how people are around you. I've watched you in action. And I think it would be amazing. Why don't you go ahead and share with people how they can if they want more info, how they can find you. How does that work?

Unknown: 00:31:58

Absolutely. So my website, I tried to keep it easy Kiki tyler.com. So it has a little bit more about me, there is a link. So if you want to book a 30 minute free call to save for a match, see if I can help you or just want to chat. And my email is joy at Kiki tyler.com Keeping with the joy filled life. And of course, I want to give you something for free. So I have a special code just for the listeners of this show. For a free class, you can join me live or if your schedule doesn't allow, you can take one of my on demand classes. And that code is a e fit fun. And this will all be in the show notes.

Jani Roberts: 00:32:34

Awesome. Oh, I really appreciate you, you know, having an offer for people because I think that we all have to sample. You know, we have to try this as part of our process we really have to interview it's like when we're looking for someone to help us. They need to meet our needs, you know, they need to answer our questions. We might not even know what questions to ask. So having someone kind of guide us through that. And I can remember, you know, when one of my current teachers saying to me, I really think you should shop around and I was like, No, I want you you know what I mean? But because she said that I did and it just reiterated that I knew I was lined up with the right teacher to begin with. But it was empowering for her to say that to me. Like that just made me feel extraordinarily safe. So I appreciate you putting that offer out there to everybody I know that they will really enjoy getting to know you a bit better and I can't thank you enough again, Kiki for being here for spreading your love spreading the joy keeping the unicorn magic alive in the world. So thank you thank

Unknown: 00:33:35

you all thank you for having me. Thank you all for listening when I said glitter and appreciation your way a magical day.

Jani Roberts: 00:33:42

Awesome. That's amazing. All right guys, we are out we thank you again and yes we do. We wish you a magical unicorn kind of day. Until next time, nothing but love coming from you from us to you. We appreciate you more than you know. Peace.