Episode 10

Overcoming Fear By Embracing Compassion

We can define compassion simply as “to suffer together.” Many of us struggle with a fear of compassion or a fear of the unpleasantness that arises when your compassionate towards yourself or others. In this episode we explore how we can embrace compassion and experience more love.

About the Host:

Jani Roberts is the Owner of Alignment Essentials, a health and wellness company spanning the fitness, self-improvement, and mindfulness spaces. She is the creator of the Warrior® Workout, Moving Meditations™, Inspirational Conversations™ and all of the Alignment Essentials programming content. In addition, Jani is an International best-selling author of the book, Navigating the Clickety-Clack, How to Live a Peace-Filled Life in a Seemingly Toxic World.

Jani has over 40 years of experience in the health and wellness field. She owned and operated a large gym franchise in Florida, as well as a boutique studio for several years where she specialized in health and wellness related services, products, preventative health education, personal training, small group fitness classes, private nutrition and health coaching.

She has literally trained hundreds of thousands of instructors around the world, and she was the featured choreographer and performer on numerous training DVDs. She has presented for dozens of large Health and Wellness brands such Nike, and Adidas. She holds several certifications through ACE, AFAA and NASM.

Jani travels extensively as a speaker and presenter sharing her Alignment Essentials wellness tools and helping people find more joy in their lives and is currently training at the Shamanic Institute of Healing. 




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Jani Roberts:

What, life isn't supposed to suck. Get out of here. Life is supposed to be good for me? I don't think so. Truth? Did you know that you have the power to create your own reality? True? Did you know that you can live the life that you've always desired? Holy? That's right. And that's why we're here. Are you ready, unless you're on Joy overload, you've come to the right place, it's time to get out of your own way and start creating more of what you want, and less of what you don't end up with the excuses. I'm your host, Jani Roberts, let's do this.

Jani Roberts:

Welcome back warriors. So happy to be here happy to connect with you happy to create this opportunity to tap into compassion, that's going to be our subject today. It is a deep one, it is a beautiful one. And it is time for all of us to connect a bit more to this particular emotion, this idea of every man for himself, you know, just this vibe of not really caring about one another, is completely fear based. I think most of us know this. And we kind of ask, you know, what's everybody so freaked out about what's everybody's so afraid of? It, hey, a lot of people have spent a lot of time making sure that we are going to be afraid that we live in fear. And this is simply not our intention. This is not why we came forward. And we're gonna dig into this. So let's go for it. Alright, so this idea of compassion, this is a really deep feeling within ourselves.

Jani Roberts:

This is a feeling that we have, I love when it's defined as a quivering of the heart, it also sometimes will refer to a way of acting, how we behave, you know, and how we're affected by how others are feeling, and moving and living and breathing. And we want to be one of those teachers of compassion, innately, we really do. Maybe we've been burned to the point of kind of not giving a shit feeling as though it is every man for himself. But I believe that deep down, we all have compassion for one another. And when we look at another human being who is struggling, there is a part of our heart that wants to open. And first allow ourselves to feel what others are going through, not just what we're going through. And of course, that is very important. But this struggle that we're all in, not just recognizing others, and not just recognizing ours, but seeing it all and allowing ourselves to feel that and powerfully and most importantly, not turning away from it, but actually moving toward it, with compassion with caring. So going into situations where people are really hurting, going into a situation with ourselves where we're really hurting, identifying people who are really genuinely seeking assistance, guidance, help, compassion, just like we are, and including them. In our mind's eye.

Jani Roberts:

I certainly don't believe that we are here to save other people. I don't believe that we're here to correct how other people are living. I feel that that is connected to judgment, and right and wrong. And that's connected to perspective. So I don't have that size of ego. I don't believe that I know what other people should and should not do. I mean, that's taking on a big responsibility, isn't it? It's hard enough when we're working with children, our family members, and we're trying to guide them and, and teach them but it gets sticky. It really gets sticky because our fears can creep in to their reality.

Jani Roberts:

If we hadn't experienced as a kid. We want to that didn't go well. Right? That wasn't a good feeling experience all the way through to traumatic experience. We don't want our kids to experience that. Obviously. Now, there are some people that pass their anger, frustration, hatred, fear, pain, etc. onto their kids. I understand there are a lot of you listening that have experienced that. Your folks couldn't get it figured out during your left leg. have time, I believe they did the best that they could or are doing the best that they can with what they have to know, if they don't have the tools, if they've never been taught, how do they teach, there's a lot of forgiveness work in there. But today is that day of compassion. And that's what you can express toward them. You can't expect people to change or be different, they have a lifetime of shit they've brought with them and that they're dealing with, you know, lifetimes, really. So there's no way we can really stand in someone else's feet, and understand exactly how they feel about anything.

Jani Roberts:

We can be compassionate, we could try to understand, but we can't really, nor should we, because that is their work. So showing that unconditional love and that compassion, and just being a good listener. without correcting Oh, you know what you should do? Nobody wants to hear that. People just want peace, right? where I'm sitting, I can hear that birds and gentle breeze and the air is fresh and clean. That brings me ease that centers me in when I do this work brings me peace. And certainly there are times of day when that is not my environment. And I am struggling to maintain that balance. The difference being now when I do that, I don't beat myself up. I show myself a little compassion. Okay, I'm doing the best I can I'm getting frustrated. I'm, I'm feel that energy shift I'm getting in that not so good feeling space that I can go into. While there's a lot going on around me. So take a deep breath. Do it again. Are you still twitching, so okay, you just notice it one more time. And start to settle in, start to allow the body to relax, close your eyes take 15 seconds everything will be waiting for you. When you get back. And know this is not bullshit and nonsense and woowoo this works. Try it 15 seconds, just focus on your breath. Show yourself a little compassion. Now we can sabotage that we really can, we can have that one part of us that wants to come in and feel the compassion and take the 15 seconds and show the love. And then we can sabotage and be that other part of ourselves that pushes against that is tending to lean towards, suck it up. I don't really think they're trying hard enough. Maybe we tell ourselves that too. You should just try harder, you should just work harder, because that's what we were taught. People would say that to us just suck it up. Don't be such a baby. Wow. Not a lot of compassion in those words. Yeah, just kind of sitting in that energy for a second here. I don't know about you. But I can I can dial right in to that radio station. And I can hear those remarks loud and clear. And I can all asleep also clearly feel how that makes me feel. So of course, if I was to use that language toward another, I would also be feeling that way. Hmm. Something to really think about. So how do we get there? How do we get past all of this judgment, all of this pain, all of this fear around the idea that we all need to think the same way, act the same way, do it the same way, then I'll be safer. Or I'll be my children, my family will be more safe, my country will be safer, a better place. So I would always say first compared to what? But how much control? Do you really have over all of that? You have pretty much None. What you do have control over what I have control over what we have control over is how we choose to respond. We either choose to respond out of fear. I need separation. I need those people to live over there and those people who live over there, because there's not enough to go around and they're going to come in and take what's mine, huh?

Jani Roberts:

I don't know. You tell me Does that sound like confidence? Or does that sound like fear? If I'm if I'm afraid that someone can take from me what I have. That's fear. Now, I'm not saying it's not legitimate. If someone is trying to take my freedom. If someone is trying to control me, that's not going to feel good. I am probably going to become afraid I am going to instantly look for ways that I can move away from that situation. And if I feel trapped, there's going to be fear connected to that, of course. So I'm certainly not making light have intense situations that happen day in and day out, people are experiencing a lot of fear. But for those of us who are choosing fear, because we're sitting in a safe space, and all of a sudden fear starts to creep in and says, if you, if you build community in this space, you better be careful, because those people are going to try to take advantage of you. I know this exists, I'm not, I'm not completely oblivious. But at the end of the day, I also know that the only thing I can control is my choice. And many times, when we choose to see things from a place of fear, that is where we live in fear, they go together, we focus on it, we start to believe in it, that belief becomes a reality, fear is our reality. Or we step in, and we start to do the work that needs to be done, to quiet the mind and look at the truth. What do I really know to be true? Forget what I heard on social media, or through a friend, or any where else, I do my own research, I have my own mind, I choose what I think. Because I understand that what I think those thoughts are going to ultimately create my reality, I am going to build beliefs.

Jani Roberts:

And I am going to live and experience my life through those beliefs. So this is important. This is really important. Because if we don't do this work, then we are a victim of circumstance, because we're allowing our thoughts to be thought for us. We're allowing our beliefs to be created for us. And we're just going along for the ride. Now, this can be tricky because it from a very young age, you are taught that there's absolutely a certain way things have to be done. This is the foundation of your belief system. And I'm kind of talking about yanking it all out from underneath you. So, huh, yeah, there's that baby steps, right. And just because I am suggesting this doesn't make it true, or the right action for you to take, I'm simply sharing a perspective with you around the possibility of how different your life could be, if you let it with compassion to compassion. When you say the word when you close your eyes and think the word it vibrates closer to love. Whereas judgment, for example, or a lack of compassion is going to energetically sit closer to fear, hey, I'm not making this up. This is science. Okay? This is how it works. We need to understand exactly how this mind of ours works so that we can maintain our sanity and live our life in love. Real love, not temporary love, not love for a moment, a weekend, a few years, a decade, every moment. I'm not saying that we won't have other emotions going on at the same time. But we're leading predominantly we're checking in to see where we are, am I coming from a place of love or, and compassion, appreciation? Or am I coming from a place of fear, pain, grief, suffering, it's understandable, absolutely understandable. That if we're going through something difficult, we could be leaning more toward fear. We might feel alone or isolated as though no one understands very important. Here you have the power, even if you're doing this work completely alone, and you have no support. You have the power to shift towards the love. That's going to empower you to live the life you truly desire and leave the fear behind.

Jani Roberts:

I'm not saying it won't come in again. I'm just saying that as you do the work, it will move aside and love will come forward. You know, you deserve to live in love. You deserve compassion, and understanding. But here's the thing, it has to come from within if we're waiting around for other people to love us, for other people to show us compassion. It could be a long wait. In addition, if we're not showing others love and compassion, we're probably not going to get that back. But we must understand that when we live our lives this way, we are able to be at peace and we have more compassion for ourselves. It's easier to love ourselves. You know, I don't need to understand you. I don't need to understand why you think the way you do. Why you hate the way you do. While you push against while you embrace so much suffering. I am not judging you. I do not need to understand that about you. I can give you the love and the space to experience your journey in the way that you need to, and I will do nothing but send you love and compassion from a distance, the distance is important. I probably personally would not say all of that out loud to another person. Because if they were coming from a place of fear, I don't think they could hear me. I just don't I would know in the moment if they could, but you can sense a person's energy, they're kind of leaning away from you. They're angry, you can feel the the fear and the anger and the frustration, you could see it in their face. Sometimes it's easier and more effective to simply walk away, say, okay, okay, that's how you feel. I honor that and get out of there. And as you separate yourself, physically, you will begin to feel the ease emotionally. But you will also feel the intensity of the connection that you now have with this person because of their suffering, they are actually suffering, this is an opportunity for you to show compassion toward that human being. And guess what? Total side benefit? You feel better? Because you're not worried about them. You're not angry with them, you're not getting defensive. Why the heck do what are they yelling at me, for I didn't do anything. I'm not even saying anything. They're just while they're suffering, they're conflicted. This is what's going on. Being able to recognize that, move yourself away from it, if you feel too, you need to, you know, boundaries are important, nothing is more important than that you feel good. So we need to protect that. But we can move away.

Jani Roberts:

And we can spend just a few moments, seconds even just sending that love and compassion toward that person, visualizing them in a better feeling place. I don't think that that's asking too much of any human being. All human beings have the ability to generate compassion for one another, regardless of what's going on. When we know that we really don't know anything about this other human beings journey, what they've been through what they will be going through being focused only on ourselves is our divine right? And our responsibility, but not without our community, of other fellow human beings. So when we have the opportunity, we show it, I know you do this, I know you do it, even if you don't realize you do it, it is time for us to stand in our power. Compassion involves allowing ourselves to feel not looking away and saying to ourselves, well, that's not happening to me, I just have to take care of my own. There's nothing I can do about that. There may not be anything that you can do in the physical but energetically, you can sit and send love, you can use your energy, your patience, your wisdom, your kindness, its kindness, excuse me, your perseverance, that warrior determination, the warmth of your heart to help others to resolve and find peace. That's how powerful you are. There's a big difference between sympathy and compassion. When someone is struggling, I will always say I am so sorry that you're going through this, but I honestly feel more empathy than I do sympathy, because I know the power that they hold within, they don't need me to feel sorry for them. They need me to see them for who they really are capable of overcoming anything through love, and compassion for oneself. And others. This work can be challenging, it can really feel like a struggle, but the struggle is there. Because your inner being knows who you really are, and doesn't like you know, settling for anything less than that. When you are in that feeling of that that

Jani Roberts:

place of Defender resist or just struggle that stuck, sticky place, reach for compassion, close your eyes, acknowledge who you are all of the amazing things that you have done and know that all is well. You have gone through many challenges before you will go through many more how you show up for those challenges. That's what you get to control warrior and with that, I will wrap and I am sending each and every one of you. Nothing but compassion, and of course love. Until next time warriors. We are always here for you. Much love from a e I'm out peace.